The one on conjunctivitis

The word of the month is ....Conjunctivitis.

Evil, evil word you are. First you attack my daughter, changing her from a sweet big eyed beauty who cries sometimes into a sepet sourpuss who cries all the time. Conjunctivitis, defined by me would be a monster causing babies to be cranky and cry, scratching and rubbing their eyes, making babies eyes super red and sepet and having this awful sticky discharge when they wake up. For accurate information, kindly google.

Its very heartbreaking to watch my daughter suffer from any kind of illness/disease/ discomfort, but catching the virus from her and going through the same symptoms makes it much worse for several reasons.

1 - being unable to care for her as much since she's almost recovered and I dont want to risk her being reinfected with a stronger strain. I miss the time we spend together. I hate having her beside me, but not being able to kiss and cuddle her as usual.

2 - being unable to breastfeed her as usual. I try to minimise direct breastfeeding as a way to reduce direct contact with her. Secondly, since I'm on antibiotics which contain steroids, I've been advised not to breastfeed her within 2-4 hours of consuming the meds.

3 - experiencing the pain/discomfort myself, and masya Allah sometimes the pain and swelling and itching and burning sensation is really bad (maybe I have a low pain threshold, its my first time getting an eye infection which isnt a ketumbit), Masya Allah I cant imagine how it must have been for Lil Hannah. To feel pain, without understanding what it is, or how to make it feel better or how not to make it worse or why you're feeling that pain in the first place. Poor her.Im just grateful that she's over it.

Waking up five days ago to find her eyes are clear and white and round, made me forget about my own pain for a while. We decided it would be best for her to be at the babysitter even though I was given 3 days MC by the doctor. Reasons being, if she was at home with me, no way would she allow me to be away from her and I wanted her to start getting used to being around other people again (after 4 days on continuous berkepit with dear mommy in Kelantan).

I thought I would enjoy some free time away from Hannah. Use the time to do my laundry, clean the bedroom ,organise my things, etc. Admittedly, Im not that much of an organized person, I prefer being in a state of my organized mess, where things may be not in the place where they should be, but its in a place where I know it is and a system understood by me alone. But with Hannah's birth, things got messy, and unorganised. It got to a stage where even I dont know where to look for certain things. But a few hours into my home organizing session, I couldnt continue. Something held me back. I missed her so bad. While doing laundry, I found her clothes. While cleaning the drawers, I found her toys. Traces of Hannah were everywhere. And I kept on expecting to hear her. The house seems so empty without her. I guess that's human nature, you always wish for something you dont have. I kept on thinking of the times where I wished for some alone time to do ME things....

Anyway, conjunctivitis is not all bad. Besides the much needed rest/away from work time, Hannah being unwell was also the reason husband was allowed to come home sooner. I miss him and now he's here. A feeling that is so hard to describe in words. I feel complete, relieved, relaxed, happy, content, everything lah. I hope he never has to go back to the place known as Turkmenistan.

A friend who also caught the C bug  (her mom is Hannah's babysitter and almostthe whole family caught the bug too) was trying to be positive about it saying that use this as 'penghapus dosa kecil'. If Allah bestows upon you a hardship and you accept it as His will, Insya Allah your patience in going through it will be rewarded. So, here's to a sin-free 2 weeks...hehehe. I tend to be more thankful of the good things in life when  Im sick anyway, maybe this is in a way, a reminder from Him that I've been taking Him for granted lately. Astaghfirullah....