The one on too much of a good thing is not so good after all

Since I have conjunctivitis, and conjunctivitis being contagious, the doctor gave me medical leave of 5 days. Monday through Friday. Being a working mom, I welcome any kind of time off from work to stay at home. for spending time with my baby, for leisure, for rest, for house chores. So I was happy about it for a while, thinking of all the things I'd accomplish within those 5 precious days. The euphoria didnt last long. By day 3, I started worrying about the mountain of uncompleted tasks at work. By day 4, i got bored of being at home. By day 5, I'm praying that I recover soon coz I want to be back in the office A.S.A.P.

The fact that Im home alone probably played a role. Im ot sure I'd feel the same way if the husband and Lil Hannah B was with me. missing my loves so badly right now. Hoping for a wonderful weekend with them - free from conjunctivitis!

Pics from mamazadie showing how well behaved she is at her babysitter's place... Mommy misses you lil diva!

The one on conjunctivitis

The word of the month is ....Conjunctivitis.

Evil, evil word you are. First you attack my daughter, changing her from a sweet big eyed beauty who cries sometimes into a sepet sourpuss who cries all the time. Conjunctivitis, defined by me would be a monster causing babies to be cranky and cry, scratching and rubbing their eyes, making babies eyes super red and sepet and having this awful sticky discharge when they wake up. For accurate information, kindly google.

Its very heartbreaking to watch my daughter suffer from any kind of illness/disease/ discomfort, but catching the virus from her and going through the same symptoms makes it much worse for several reasons.

1 - being unable to care for her as much since she's almost recovered and I dont want to risk her being reinfected with a stronger strain. I miss the time we spend together. I hate having her beside me, but not being able to kiss and cuddle her as usual.

2 - being unable to breastfeed her as usual. I try to minimise direct breastfeeding as a way to reduce direct contact with her. Secondly, since I'm on antibiotics which contain steroids, I've been advised not to breastfeed her within 2-4 hours of consuming the meds.

3 - experiencing the pain/discomfort myself, and masya Allah sometimes the pain and swelling and itching and burning sensation is really bad (maybe I have a low pain threshold, its my first time getting an eye infection which isnt a ketumbit), Masya Allah I cant imagine how it must have been for Lil Hannah. To feel pain, without understanding what it is, or how to make it feel better or how not to make it worse or why you're feeling that pain in the first place. Poor her.Im just grateful that she's over it.

Waking up five days ago to find her eyes are clear and white and round, made me forget about my own pain for a while. We decided it would be best for her to be at the babysitter even though I was given 3 days MC by the doctor. Reasons being, if she was at home with me, no way would she allow me to be away from her and I wanted her to start getting used to being around other people again (after 4 days on continuous berkepit with dear mommy in Kelantan).

I thought I would enjoy some free time away from Hannah. Use the time to do my laundry, clean the bedroom ,organise my things, etc. Admittedly, Im not that much of an organized person, I prefer being in a state of my organized mess, where things may be not in the place where they should be, but its in a place where I know it is and a system understood by me alone. But with Hannah's birth, things got messy, and unorganised. It got to a stage where even I dont know where to look for certain things. But a few hours into my home organizing session, I couldnt continue. Something held me back. I missed her so bad. While doing laundry, I found her clothes. While cleaning the drawers, I found her toys. Traces of Hannah were everywhere. And I kept on expecting to hear her. The house seems so empty without her. I guess that's human nature, you always wish for something you dont have. I kept on thinking of the times where I wished for some alone time to do ME things....

Anyway, conjunctivitis is not all bad. Besides the much needed rest/away from work time, Hannah being unwell was also the reason husband was allowed to come home sooner. I miss him and now he's here. A feeling that is so hard to describe in words. I feel complete, relieved, relaxed, happy, content, everything lah. I hope he never has to go back to the place known as Turkmenistan.

A friend who also caught the C bug  (her mom is Hannah's babysitter and almostthe whole family caught the bug too) was trying to be positive about it saying that use this as 'penghapus dosa kecil'. If Allah bestows upon you a hardship and you accept it as His will, Insya Allah your patience in going through it will be rewarded. So, here's to a sin-free 2 weeks...hehehe. I tend to be more thankful of the good things in life when  Im sick anyway, maybe this is in a way, a reminder from Him that I've been taking Him for granted lately. Astaghfirullah....

Day 121 - Hannah B's first ailment

sadly, eye infection hannah B is getting worse. Last night she cried a lot and even had a slight fever. Sangat heartbreaking to see your child in such pain and discomfort. Times like this, I really wish the husband is around. To be honest, Im angry that he's not here with us (sangat negative punya statement, coz I know he's working, but I cant help the way I feel kan)

Bangun pagi tadi, she couldnt open her eyes which were encrusted with taik mata. Sedih tengok her watery, red, swollen eyes.  Thankfully she wasnt fussy in the car. Dropped her off at Opah, rushed to work. After class and some paperwork, went to pick her up to visit the doctor. Doctor confirmed that she has conjunctivitis and prescribed some oinment and eyedrops.

Visiting the clinic alone without the husband makes me very sad. IT got worse when a boy startled her and she started scream-crying (iya, she is a very crier). Later when i went to pay the bill and take the medication. she fussed a bit. Handbag jatuh, ubat pun jatuh when I tried to steady my grip on her. Nasib baik nurses and some other patient was kind enough to help. At that time, I grumbled again on how mean the Husband is for not being here for us (I fell guilty later for the negativity). Walaupun rasa sangat pathetic and pitiful at that time, later I felt such pride in myself for the ability to juggle all this. (ayat memujuk diri sendiri sebab takde orang lain yang nak pujuk/puji).

The only good thing to come out of this is doctor gave me MC so I could care for her at home today. Perasaan menjaga baby sendiri adalah sangat membahagiakan. To hold and cuddle her. To wipe her watery eyes. Playtime adalah sangat heaven. Syukur Alhamdulillah, tho she's uncomfortable, she doesnt seem to be in pain ans is very active as usual.

Besides the meds, Im also dabbing/squirting some breastmilk into her eyes. Insya Allah either method would make my daughter well again. Cepat sembuh baby, we have a busy weeekend coming!

No pics coz adalah sangat mensayukan saya untuk memandang mata merah yang sepet itu.

The day she turns 4 months

Happy 4 months old, hannah baby!!!

Somehow, she went through a growth spurt in the last couple of weeks. She's huge!!! Well, maybe not huge, but super tembam okay. Those thighs - KFC drumsticks okay! rasa cam nak ngap ngap je! 

Diapers dah move on to size M, just a few of her Mami Poko S sizes to finish off. She drinks more often these days, about 4oz on average for each feeding. 

Milk production has improved Alhamdulillah. Not sure whether is coz I'm more rajin to pump or because of the shaklee supplement that Im currently trying out.

Sadly, she contracted some eye infection from another baby at Opah's house. Poor Has a swollen red left eye. Luckily, the infection hasnt affected her happy spirits. She was an absolute darling last night. 

Some hannah facts:

- can play by herself now, for as long as 15 minutes, or as short as 15 seconds! She loves her Lamaze dragonfly, as well as the little anakku monkey with the vibrating tail. the teether works sometimes but most of the times, she just wears it like a bangle.

- she can 'talk' now. and wow what a talker she is. loud, animated and very engaging. I love how expressive her eyes get and how she leaps upwards as if trying to emphasis a certain point.

- baby has mild eczema :( . Poor her. Skin red and very dry.Especially around the face, neck inner elbow and inner knee. She loves scratching. I tried putting on mittens to discourage her but it seems she knows how to scratch with mittens or. She has also mastered the art of shrugging the mittens off. Oh, when it comes to skills like this, baby saya memang genius. She has this smug face of satisfaction when she succeeds in scratching. Sangat annoying okay but it makes me so sad to see how miserable she is when she's itchy but cant scratch herself.

- baby knows how to put her hand in her mouth. and she loves it there. and she loves nuzzling to other people, n slowly putting hands/nose/cheek in her mouth jugak. I once caught her sucking Uncle Aiman's fingers while he fell asleep in front of the tv. and i was thinking how well-behaved she is when she's with her uncle. At least she knew to put the hand down the moment mommy caught her in the act.

- she recognizes my voice now. She'll stop whatever she's doing to stare at me. If she's in a good mood, she'll give me a smile. If she's in attention-deficit mode, she'll start her Oscar winning diva cry. Which works all the time. tugs at my heartstrings, how can anyone refuse to pick her up at that sweet (annoying?) sound. hehehe

- favourite development which i realised last week (1.6.2011). She recognizes her mommy's voice, she'll turn towards me , give me a smile and raise her arms up asking me scoop her up. Such a diva! And again, how could I ever refuse...

- did I mention the weight gain? so chubby, so huggable. Sangat best sleeping with her at night. at this size where she's not so fragile. Snuggling up to her at night and waking up to her stretching and smiling ...aaaaahhh highlight of my day. :))